alcoholism taken to a new level.

when i bought my green tea today, it kinda tasted weird.

afterall, i had been mixing it with chivas since april; and coca-cola has become my favourite canned drink.




i don't feel the moment of epiphany like the monster do. seriously.

for the lighter nights out.

what the fark?!

i got a D for jap!
that's as good as hiroshima going atomic!

fark!
okay now it's time to sleep.

and as well, a reminder to self:

written last december; and again this is what i'm feeling right now:

you know the thing about making connections and then losing connections?

sometimes i think i'm so nonchalant about losing connections, that i don't even bother to re-connect them. so when one asked today, "you're quite used to people coming by and leaving huh?" i just kinda nodded and smiled, and replied, "well, isn't everyone like this?"

no matter how much effort you try to salvage a form of friendship, sometimes everything gets watered down, and everything just gets a bit bland from all the old jokes and jibes and banter, and everything will somehow look as if they are in a monochrome. or a black and white.

i used to have closer friends. but somehow along the way, we've all grown up, our priorities took centrestage, i'm more watered down than before, more nonchalance on the surface, and more uncertainty. on the other side of the world, everyone grew to become more certain of what they were, who they actually were, and went ahead to becoming themselves. a process of self-actualizing took place, everyone evolved, and i decided that i would rather sit at where i was and watch the world go pass.

gone were the days when i actually fought so hard for something.

i know i've lost the streak in me.
and then everything just went into bnw.

but we all move on, and here i am, lamenting at how screwed i am at reconnecting.

it's true. i cannot reconnect with people i've lost along the way, people whom i've lost trust in, people whom i thought i knew, but now i don't; it's a pity watching them like this, because we are all in this stupid process of finding ourselves, and perhaps it will take us an entire lifetime to do so.

without finding ourselves eventually.

this is the open space of a closet alcoholic:

dear blogger,

it is with much deliberation and even more consideration that i've decided that i should have another breathing ground.

on a hiatus from blogging has left me breathless; trying to conceal too much, and turning to no one to curse and swear and say f8rk off i had enough.

maybe it's the recent weather.
maybe it's the holidays.
maybe it's because i've just turned 21.
maybe it's the fact that optimism doesn't grow on you; and that it fleets.

currently i'm money strapped, dying for bier and hoping that someone will bring me consolotion in the form of a 5 dollar++ vanilla latte. cold or hot, it doesn't matter.

not that it did matter anyway.


let's see who finds this.


snooze//on the night of championsleague finals: acmilian vs liverpool (oh blathy fools)